May 19, 2009

• 5.19/2009

  

  Had a lot of things going on recently: My graduation (despite having to finish the thesis corrections later) from graduate school, Jenn’s graduation from Spelman, packing up, moving out, seeing Tramaine, and doing random errands have taken up a lot of my time. Heck, as I write, people are moving boxes, desks, beds, tables, chairs, and drawers out of my apartment. As a result of this, I haven’t really had much time to talk to people. Many times I think I’ll have time to talk to people, but I find out later that some other event will end up conflicting with the call. After packing I’ll need to call back Jesse, Cliff, Russ, and others in order to apologize for the chaos and catch up.

  Once I’m done moving, things should settle down.

  ---

  

  There are so many things I enjoy about my new relationship with Tramaine especially when compared to the last relationship with Averya.

  The first of many things is the fact that I can tell Tramaine whatever is on my mind. It doesn’t matter if the thought is morbid, slightly perverse, violent, philosophical, religious, anti-religious, or nonsensical. When I was with Averya, conversations seemed like navigating through a minefield. I would walk as cautiously as possible as not to set her off into a fit of anger, frustration, or confusion (which would inevitably lead to the other two). Additionally, it is nice that I don’t have to be the only person supplying a conversation. The irony of my last relationship was that Averya wanted me to fuel conversation, but then she was always critical of subjects I brought up, or when I couldn’t think of something to talk about. Tramaine, instead, is able to do both. She often fuels conversation which allows me to perpetuate it with open-ended questions and tangents. When I start the conversation, the roles often reverse. She responds to the questions and keeps conversations going.

  The second thing I like about her is that she is open about the relationship. Perhaps this is a difference of maturity. Tramaine doesn’t hide the relationship, isn’t afraid of simple public signs of affections (like holding hands), and doesn’t seemed ashamed in any way, shape or form. With Averya, I felt like more of a dirty little secret then a boyfriend. She would always sneak me into and out of her room (either by guise of night, or by looking around to make sure no one she knew was roaming the halls). Oddly enough, I tolerated it. I did so because I didn’t know better. I tolerated it because it didn’t truly hit me how screwed up this part of her character was. I tolerated it because it appeared that she liked me in private. Tramaine, on the other hand, condones, and many times initiates, hand-holding and other signs of PDA (arm around waist, arm-in-arm, etc.).

  Another thing I like about Tramaine is her simplicity. Tramaine and I don’t need to be going out to somewhere fancy, or even somewhere different every single time. She’s perfectly fine with renting movies (or watching movies we already own) in our apartment, driving around with no particular direction, or just talking about life and ourselves. Averya, on the other hand, would get frustrated with simplicity and routine. If we happened to do the same thing twice in a row (dinner and a movie two times in two weeks) she would get upset. Yet, ironically, she always wanted me to have the responsibility of choosing where to go (a.k.a reading her mind of where she wanted to go), perhaps because she didn’t want to deal with the pressure of disappointment.

  One of the last things that I love about Tramaine is the fact that she is both a good friend and a girlfriend. I’ve never had this before. Averya and I were girlfriend and boyfriend, but I never felt as though we were good friends. I guess the reason I felt this was because bickering and arguing was routine. I never felt a friendship with Averya, because I could never tell her what was on my mind without censoring something important. With Tramaine, the only things that I censor are my feelings towards her if I think they might be premature (i.e. wanting to ask her to be my girlfriend immediately after the first date). Everything else is transmitted.

  I think I’ve found a keeper.

  • 12:37 pm
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