February 11, 2009
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2.11/2009
How does one build up confidence? Can it be built up? I think I understand that confidence needs to be either built up by either experience in the area, or by other people. My problem is, when it comes to something such as dating, how does one do that? Confidence mainly comes from putting yourself out there, but, to initiate that requires confidence. Alternatively, speaking to a friend or family member to get confidence helps out so far, unless the person has some inside information that might help. But, even then, I feel like confidence isn't bolstered by successes based around inside information, or non-risk situations: It comes from the ability for one to take rejection and bounce back, and the ability to move into the unknown without a care.
I remember talking to Beth about this, saying it was strange to me how much confidence I have when it comes to certain things... games, academics, being able to approach random people, or girls I refuse to ask out (whether I'm attracted to them or not)... but, yet, this aspect gives me trouble. She tried consoling me on this, stating that there was nothing to worry about, but this kind of encouragement doesn't help as much anymore. It's along the same lines as parents saying the same thing. It sounds great, but seems a little biased, I guess. Well, either that or my low state of confidence in this area is rejecting the confidence they're trying to place in me.
I have thoughts in my head of ways to increase confidence, but all of them appear evil. The first, is to ask someone out who I am not necessarily attracted to, but I have a good inclination about how they will respond. However, the problem with is readily apparent: I am not attracted to them, so I am leading them on by making them believe that I am. (This situation could become exacerbated by the person becoming attached.) However, it would build confidence because I am putting myself at a minimal level of risk because I do not exactly know how the person will respond. But, again, this is morally and ethically wrong. I wouldn't appreciate if someone did it to me, so, why would I feel fine doing it to someone else?
So, I guess one of these days, I'm going to have to follow all of the advice I've gotten from Beth, Torcise, T-Mo and others. I'm going to have to take the plunge. The question remains... How do I adequately prepare myself in a way that is in-tune with my moral and ethical standards? Hmmmm... don't know.
Confidence is hard to come by though.
My Masters in Public Health program did something akin to "Secret Santa" for Christmas gifts for Valentine's yesterday. They had people either choose a specific name of a fellow student or choose a name out of a hat, and write something nice about the person. I don't know who got my name, but I got a message saying "Cold hands= Warm Heart" and something about becoming a good physician. There is probably no way I'll find out who wrote it, or if the person was male (which is dubious, because that message seems a bit sketchy if it was... but then again, there are some overtly gay men in the program... so, who knows?) or a female. (If the person was female, I feel as though I could possibly deduce who it was... the message seems a bit too personal for someone who doesn't know me, and only a few women at the school know me fairly well.) But the message seemed to stick out to me, even if I ended up losing it by the end of the night.
Interesting message.
It's interesting to see how friendships evolve over time. I've recently found that I am able to talk to Beth about racial issues, such as issues in the black community (i.e. Why some black women really hate to see a black man with a white woman.). Before, I'd thought that talking about things like that would be taboo, and that I shouldn't even be talking about racial issues to people outside of the race in the first place. (Oddly enough, though, I have no problem with talking to Russ about racial issues... probably because he brings them up sometimes in the forms of jokes, actual experience, or other things.) Still, it's good to see that my expectations were wrong and that our conversations are becoming more versatile.
I never expected this.
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