March 10, 2009
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3.10/2009
Every habit, you see, can be broken. Whether it's over-eating, not exercising, eating too much candy, not eating enough vegetables, being antisocial, cursing too much... whatever the problem may be, it can be fixed. This philosophy of mine includes video games. I'm addicted to video games and I know this. I can tell by the amount of time I spend on games. Looking at the amount of time logged into RPGs has recently begun to sicken me. So much time wasted.
The reason I'd never consciously tried reducing it was because I didn't feel a need to correct the addiction. At Duke, I could moderate the playing fairly well and I didn't see a problem with excess video game playing. Now isn't much different, but the challenge of reducing the pull of video games seems like too much fun. Can I control the impulses? Can I limit myself? I'm not sure.
The method of making this change? I think I might start by limiting myself to thirty minutes of gaming a day. I think that would be one way of reducing time playing games. Another way might be to limit myself to only gaming on weekends. I guess I could find other things to do during the free times on week days. Perhaps I could write more, or study more, find things to do around Atlanta, or learn to do something new.
The first step for changing my behavior is always creating an incentive. In reference to exercising, the incentive was the science of body-building. It was recording the gains of muscle via camera, the energy boosts from working out, and the positive self-image. In reference to candy, such as Skittles, the incentive was that I could live healthier and avoid potentially developing diabetes. I realized I never needed candy to begin with: Sugar can be obtained from healthier sources such as fruits, fruit juices, and granola bars. Eliminating soda was the same. It's unnecessary.
What could be my incentive this time? What would I fill my free time with? I think I might have to think of another, healthy way to entertain myself. Perhaps start reading? Perhaps invest more time in movies? Perhaps investing more time learning new audio-visual information? Not sure.
My goal is complete self-control.
My mother and I are people who take our dreams seriously. Mom has told me of various occasions in which her dreams have warned her about events to come, or helped her out of difficult situations. Perhaps I have inherited this trait, for dreams are a huge part of my life. They have the ability to help me out of different situations, as well as help me change as a person.
At different points in my life, I have had meaningful dreams - dreams with distinct messages telling me to do something. They're always helpful. I remember a point in high school where I remember going to sleep and having a dream about being at school. In this dream, the teacher was coming around collecting the assignment from everyone. At this point in both the dream and the real world, I realized I hadn't done it. Immediately, I woke up from the dream went to the computer in the office and finished the assignment that I'd forgotten about. A few times at Duke, I had assignments for classes in which I had no clue how on Earth I'd finish them. I'd end up going to sleep, and waking up with a the right strategy for the assignment. I can't explain how this works, but it does.
I've also had a different type of dreams... Dreams of painful hindsight. In these dreams past events collect like beads of water rolling down a window. I can see moments of affection, moments where I should have told people how I felt, and moments where I should have enjoyed the company of friends rather than thinking of nothing but academia or video games. I wake up with a bitter sense of failure and of regret. These dreams are only beneficial in the sense that I remember them. Without them, I'm even more destined to repeat them. These dreams give me perspective on my life.
What dreams may come?
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