March 11, 2009
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3.11/2009
There is something entirely fulfilling about being the underdog. There is something entirely enjoyable about flipping someone's expectations. I started out of the gate very slowly on my thesis. This week a complete first draft is due, and I've been cramming months of work of a thesis into mere hours. I've been covering ground that nearly everyone thought was impossible. Hell, at one point, even I thought it was impossible. That's part of the reason why I procrastinated so much. I thought it was too late to get my committee, too late to get IRB approval, too late to turn in a prospectus, and too late to work on my data and finish my thesis before the March 13th deadline. However, although I'm not done yet, I have passed all of the bureaucracy and the last real thing that stands in my way is completing the draft of the thesis. That just means I have to make sure I analyzed my data correctly (read: the hard part), and then (read: the easy part) summarize what the data is saying in my paper.
The best part about this whole experience has to be the moment when asking some people to serve on my thesis committee... during the week in which I have to turn in the draft... more than a semester after I should have established my committee. When I asked Dr. Murrain, one of my favorite teachers, he responded with something like this: "Sure, it's late, but I know you can do it." He believes in my abilities to make up for the slacking that I'd done. The same goes for my Practicum preceptor, Simone. Both of these people understand my potential and believe that I can do things that normally shouldn't be feasible.
Heh, I might be able to do the impossible.
I swear, watching my friend Manzy in his post-break-up stage is like looking into the past. I can see all of the familiar symptoms of the break-up: The oscillating regret, the loneliness, the depression, and the need to reach out to someone who might understand. Even though we are two completely different people, we have the same reaction to the end of a relationship. Strange.
I keep telling him, as people kept telling me as I struggled with my emotions and my mental status quo, that what he did was the best decision he ever made. Whether he knows it now or not, it is. He removed himself from an emotionally harmful solution. It's better that he left when he did than leaving more attached. Sure, he's unhappy now, but after he's done rebounding emotionally, he'll be back and possibly stronger and more confident than before.
I look at situations like this and laugh at whoever might believe that men are less emotional than women. It's not that we're less emotional, we've been socialized to suppress our emotions, to hide them, to pretend they doesn't exist - when, in reality, they do. The reality is that men are told to deal with their emotions differently: by internalizing it. Women, on the other hand, seem to be generally taught that it is okay to show emotion externally... that it is okay to cry when depressed, and openly talk about emotions that men might call "mushy" or "gay." Being a man in society is all about silently taking emotional punishment, despite the fact that it might be wreaking havoc on you inside.
You'll be alright, kid.
There are two things to look forward to on Friday. The first is the completion of my first draft of my thesis. The second, of course, is Resident Evil 5. I've played the demo into the ground. Within the two levels of the demo, I've perfected my strategies for conserving ammo, I've found cheats, I've found glitches, and I've found some great people to partner up with to complete the game with ease. This game is going to make this weekend the best since San Francisco.
Good times ahead.
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