April 16, 2012
-
4.16/2012
Ever have a sermon that speaks to you? I just did. He spoke about a lot o different themes: the Black Community, anger, education, conforming to ignorance, and a lot of other issues and topics.
One of the most interesting, to me at least, was his comments on anger. He said that anger was a secondary emotion. By this he meant that it was usually an effect of another emotion such as sadness. I believe that this is extremely accurate. Many times when something makes me sad or frustrated, the emotion eventually converts into anger. Anger, then could be a sign of something else... a sign of being disappointed, a sign of being frustrated, or a sign of being hurt. This rings true, especially for me. I remember being on the bleachers near the track on the medical school's campus, talking to Kaye about my misfortunes when it comes to my previous relationships. Sadness overcame me, almost to the point of tears. At this point I could feel anger and frustration building up in me as the sadness began to diminish. Soon, the sadness turned to pure salt. Disappointment and frustration overcame me. I flooded into me.
Another interesting topic was the Black community. He said the famous phrase "It takes a village to raise a child," but then followed it quickly by "what happened to the village?". What happened to the village, indeed. Back in my parents' day, people could let their children roam the neighborhood and run in the streets. They were able to do this, because the people in the neighborhood looked out for other people's children, and made sure to tell the parents if children were up to no good. Nowadays, this notion is absurd. Let your children run in the streets? Let them roam the neighborhood? Preposterous. There are crazies, killers, rapists, and kidnappers that intend your child harm. I guess I wonder what changed about the black community between my generation and my parents'.
The last topic that I want to discuss is about education. The pastor also mentioned that education is a huge issue in the Black community. It is. Young boys especially have issues with learning. In certain places, its cool to be ignorant. Learning makes your nerdy, or, worse yet, "White." I know this because I lived it, and continue to live it. I also know this because I was able to teach in a school over spring break and I saw kids trying to prevent other kids from learning the material, or teasing the kids for learning it.
(more later)
"Talking"
What does it mean to be "talking?" Apparently its a term that people use to describe two people that are dating or in a pre-dating phase. People who are talking are getting to know each other are doing research to see whether they want to pursue something deeper. Or, they could actually be dating. The second definition doesn't seem to make much sense to me as there is already a term for dating... called "dating." Dating, I feel already encompasses casually dating and officially dating. Why do we need a second term? Not sure. I feel like the term talking could be used for pre-dating talking, or trying to figure out more about the person.
I think this term of "talking" as it currently stands is strange. Why? I think it assumes too much. What if a person is just legitimately curious about another person? I will sometimes ask people dating-esque questions for many reasons: Firstly, to figure out who they are and what they believe. Secondly, sometimes it's useful for me to know because it can help me modify my own beliefs. Sometimes points come up that I hadn't really considered or perhaps that I hadn't previously given enough weight. Lastly, I must admit, I do use conversation to figure out more about people, to figure out if I like them, if we're compatible, if I would want to date them or not, etc. The reason I bring this all up is that sometimes I'm interested in the person, but sometimes I'm just following my own curiosity.
Apparently there are "rules." You can only talk to one person at a time. I find this a little annoying in the sense that I might have misled a decent amount of people. I think some people definitely may have seen my questions and "interest" as something more than what they were, and, as a result, may have felt "played." However, maybe I am overreacting on this. Maybe I didn't mislead anyone. I didn't seem to talk to anyone out of context. For Alicia, I never contacted her outside of school. For Smoothie King girl, I never saw her, or talked to her outside of the Smoothie King. Lastly, for the girl I met at Subway, I never saw or spoke to her outside of the Subway restaurant.
I guess the idea that people might presume that I'm interested in them simply by talking to them about dating is a bit annoying. I enjoy talking about dating, because it's something that I'm interested in. I want to compare ideas and beliefs. I want to learn from other people's experiences. All of this helps my own growth. To feel as though someone feels like we're talking when we're not bothers me... I guess because of the idea that they might get offended if I "talk" to someone else. What if my talking were just to build another friendship?
However, I must again admit that I do use this same tactic when I'm interested in actually getting to know someone for dating purposes. The questions help me gauge their interest, figure out who they are, and determine if I like them or how much I like them.
Talking is weird.
Comments (1)
I have had sermon's that have spoken to me but that was ages ago, and I can't remember them sadly.
I would agree with you that the idea of talking to only one person at a time is annoying, and I would go so far as to say I don't agree with the rule. It seems too strict if you ask me. It is almost as if they replaced the word courting with talking, and if that were the case I could understand the restriction. The impression I get from how you explained it would suggest that it is a little more casual than such an archaic concept as courting.
It doesn't make sense to have that restriction because it begs questions like what are the consequences of talking to more than one person, and how would they be enforced? Do you have to confess that you have been talking to one person to someone else, and is it something that would warrant an apologize, or ultimately the end of a talking relationship? It is like feeling guilt for making new friends, that shouldn't make sense unless there was some sort of conflict between two people you were befriending.
I am wondering though, when you saying talking, does that also include or imply hanging out because if that is the case I think it becomes a little more complicated.
Comments are closed.