June 2, 2012
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6.2/2012
So tired recently.
Sigh.
Had a dream today. I'm pretty sure I know what it means, but I'm not one-hundred percent certain.
Slightly vague.
I feel like there are many themes that I've found throughout my life. One of which I will speak about today. The theme I've noticed is that many people I've met do not know to develop friends. Many people I've seen have issues with friendship. It's not that they don't have friends. They do. The real issue is that they don't have friends that satisfy them on the kind of deep levels that they desire. The problem is that they don't know how to dig deeper, or don't feel comfortable going deeper.
To me, the answer appears simple: Investigate. Ask questions, seek answers. Every time I meet someone new who I think would be an interesting person, I ask them questions. I find out what they're like, what they like, and why they like it. Then, I begin to investigate their beliefs and, depending on the belief, why they believe whatever it may be. I feel that, to have a deeper relationship, you must investigate a deeper meaning within the relationship you have. (If the person happens to be someone who doesn't enjoy conversation, or just doesn't think about things on a deeper level, then move on. Trying to convince someone otherwise is futile.) In order to do this, you must invest time in actually getting to know someone.
Some people I know don't feel comfortable with asking questions. Perhaps they think that they're not close enough to the person to ask a question. Sometimes I think this is a very legitimate reason, however, in some cases it is really an issue of judgment. Some people cannot accurately judge how close to a person they are. Some people perceive themselves to be farther than they actually are. Other, conversely, perceive themselves to be closer than they actually are... which then can lead to offensively invasive actions.
One such example of issue of perceived closeness is someone I know at the medical school. This girl thought that she was much closer to me than she was. She saw me at the mall with someone else I know, and asked if the girl I was with was my girlfriend. Naturally, if it were up to me, I would have avoided answering the question. I don't know her, nor does she know me. It doesn't make sense why she should expect me to answer a question like that, given the level of invasiveness.
Most of the examples are like this however: People feel further than they are. They might be close enough to ask, but they fear the offensive nature of their invasive question. Even some people who consider themselves "best friends" with another person have held this same belief and have been affected by this same fear. However, if they were truly "best friends," the person would understand that their questioning was not meant to intrude or undermine, but simply to understand.
What I try to do is preface the question with the notion that the person always has a choice. They can choose to answer the question, or, if it is too invasive, they can bow out of an answer. Bowing out is not a bad thing. Maybe the person is not prepared to talk about the issue at hand. Maybe I'm the issue. Maybe they don't feel comfortable with me to a point where they feel like sharing it. Either way, this helps me both understand the person and judge just how close I might be.
In the end, I feel as though most people like when people show interest in them. I think most people wouldn't mind talking about themselves and made to feel important. As long as you ask people questions in a respectful and non-judgmental way, most people will respond positively.
Investing is key.
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