December 19, 2012
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12.19/2012
In the time since my last relationship ended, I've had some substantial time to think about things. Yes, a good deal of my experiences were negative, however, there were a few positive qualities that I gained from my relationship with Tramaine. The first quality was confidence in my appearance. Before I met Tramaine, my confidence was shaky at best. I didn't respect myself. I didn't think I was attractive to anyone, and I had extremely low self-confidence in that regard. This isn't to say that I grew up without any kind of reinforcement from my parents or grandparents. They showered me with compliments. I think the main issue was that I never believed them, because I thought that their compliments were coming from a place of bias. I mean, come on, I'm their son, or their grandson, what person would tell their son or grandson that the were ugly or unattractive?
One thing that Tramaine did, and she did well, was convince me that I was attractive. She did this through verbal reinforcement and visual reinforcement. She would remind me why she found me attractive physically, and she would also give me advice on how to dress well, and what clothes complimented me well. The transformation did not happen overnight. At first, I didn't believe her either. Perhaps, it's because I never received those types of compliments from women. However, over time, what she was saying began to sink in. In the end, the positivity was absorbed, and I believed her.
The other quality that I gained was another type of confidence (or a type of faith). I don't know if this confidence came as a direct result from the break-up or if the confidence was something learned through the subsequent pain. Either way, I learned how to better think about life and deal with situations as they come. Instead of assuming that everything will work out the way I want, I guess I just gained appreciation that everything is an experience. Everything will work out in the end. All of the decisions I have made, some which I initially thought were life-ending, have seemed to work out one way or another. Through these "negative" outcomes, I have learned some important lessons and gained a lot of knowledge.
This confidence, I believe, is now integral to who I am.
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