6.20/2009

First and foremost, I have to say that I was bored today and I started watching 27 Dresses. Now, after I got that out there.... I have two main questions. Firstly, why are chick-flicks insanely boring? Not only are their romantic comedies banal and not really funny, but they always seem to have a bit of surrealism to them. The surrealism I'm talking about comes in the forms of random sex that happens in each of them. Here's the general plot: Girl meets guy (who is generally an asshole, but I'll come back to that point later), girl doesn't recognize him as the "guy for her," girl warms up to guy (generally has random sex with him), there's a climax (most often the guy does something "horrible" and later has to make up for it or explain what he meant), girl and guy make up, girl and guy get married. What kind of message are these movies promoting to young women? Firstly, they're promoting an asshole as the ideal guy. Sometimes its a guy who casually insults the main character, other times it's a cheating man who she must come to accept. Secondly, they're normalizing sleeping around with these men.

It's sad, really.

6.18/2009

Looking back, I find a lot of times of frustration have come from not realizing that everyone has their own time and place. For example, a friend of mine named Manzy is having troubles with women. He seriously wants a relationship and, occasionally, becomes depressed by the fact that other people around him have girlfriends or women they're sleeping with. The problem is that Manzy doesn't understand that not everyone starts having a relationship at the same time. Additionally, trying to force something like a relationship isn't a very good idea.

It will come with time.

6.17/2009

I bought Left 4 Dead for cheap yesterday and I don't regret it (because I bought it for nearly half-price). I didn't buy it earlier because I played the demo on the Xbox Live Marketplace a while back and it felt like a zombie-themed Counter Strike. I thought the gameplay was entirely too fast-paced. However, I was wrong. The fast-paced gameplay allows for the a lot of frantic fun. Thus far it's a fun game to play, but I have some slight problems with it. My main problem thus far is that it feels entirely too short to be a game that is normally sixty dollars. The game is comprised of four acts with five chapters in each act. The chapters (at least on the normal difficulty) go by in the blink of an eye. So, having only played it for a few hours today, I have beaten 75% of the game.

Interesting, but definitely NOT worth full price.

Is it just me, or is everyone getting married now? If they aren't engaged, they're already married. Is it just that time? Are people's twenties the time when they should be settling down?

I don't know.

I'm beginning to oscillate away from video games again. My life is becoming more involved with calling Tramaine, keeping in touch with friends and family, and getting work done. I have so many games on the waitlist, so many titles I havent played or finished. Strangely, whenever I play games that require that I invest a lot of time (i.e. RPGs) I quickly become bored unless I can sit in place and grind. (I just don't have the time to play through an eighty-hour story anymore.) Video games just seem like a low priority right now.

Meh... maybe my interest will pique later.

6.9/2009

Where does one's concept of "good" come from? Why is it important for me to be "good?" Tramaine asked me that question, but I had no real answer for it. I assume that my concept of good and evil is rooted in Christianity, since I was raised in the church and on the ideas of heaven and hell. However, being who I am, why do I feel a drive to be good? Why do I want to better myself? I'm not sure. I just do.

Also, who determines if I am good? Do I determine it? Do others determine it? What if I think that I am good, but others think that I am the devil? What if I think I'm the devil, but others find me to be good? Should internal or external opinion hold more weight? Should it be a mix of opinion?

Hmmm...

I hate Ryu. I hate him to death. Jumping equals getting anti-air shoryukened into an ultra combo. So, basically, when you're fighting a Ryu, that means that you can't jump once you've beaten the mess out of him. Also, if the person is really good, you have to worry about getting EX focus-canceled into an ultra combo. Sigh... The irony is, however, that I mainly use Ryu because of this exact reason. I love baiting people into jumping so I can get a free ultra combo or super combo.

Why is Ryu so cheap?

6.8/2009

Just created a Twitter (CowboyBebopCrew) account and started using it.

Interesting, ne?

I miss Tramaine already. Although we still talk on the phone, I miss being with her physically. I miss our hugs. I miss her laying on my chest, and I on hers. I can feel a sort of negative pressure of where her body used to be. An absence of weight and warmth.

However, even though I am a bit sad, I have to be optimistic. This is a turning point for our relationship. If we can make it work through hundreds of miles of distance, and it seems like we might, that nothing should be able to stop it. Hopefully everything turns out okay.

Crossing my fingers.

6.7/2009

Chris and I drove back to St. Louis yesterday. The nine hours came and went fairly easily. We got some good conversation in, but, most of the trip was silence or small talk.

Not bad.

5.27/2009

How is it that people can tell someone's character without actually knowing them?

Example: Tramaine told me that many of her friends and family knew I that I was a virgin ("innocent" as they called it) without me telling them. Not only did they know it, they knew it without a doubt. "How did they know?" I asked. She told me that there was a distinct difference between a guy who is still a virgin (or one who has had sex but had not been corrupted by it) and, for the most part, it can be discerned by their eyes, gestures and how they approach women. I still don't quite understand how someone can tell the difference, but I'll keep watch for more signs.

Hmmmm... interesting.

5.19/2009

Had a lot of things going on recently: My graduation (despite having to finish the thesis corrections later) from graduate school, Jenn's graduation from Spelman, packing up, moving out, seeing Tramaine, and doing random errands have taken up a lot of my time. Heck, as I write, people are moving boxes, desks, beds, tables, chairs, and drawers out of my apartment. As a result of this, I haven't really had much time to talk to people. Many times I think I'll have time to talk to people, but I find out later that some other event will end up conflicting with the call. After packing I'll need to call back Jesse, Cliff, Russ, and others in order to apologize for the chaos and catch up.

Once I'm done moving, things should settle down.

There are so many things I enjoy about my new relationship with Tramaine especially when compared to the last relationship with Averya.

The first of many things is the fact that I can tell Tramaine whatever is on my mind. It doesn't matter if the thought is morbid, slightly perverse, violent, philosophical, religious, anti-religious, or nonsensical. When I was with Averya, conversations seemed like navigating through a minefield. I would walk as cautiously as possible as not to set her off into a fit of anger, frustration, or confusion (which would inevitably lead to the other two). Additionally, it is nice that I don't have to be the only person supplying a conversation. The irony of my last relationship was that Averya wanted me to fuel conversation, but then she was always critical of subjects I brought up, or when I couldn't think of something to talk about. Tramaine, instead, is able to do both. She often fuels conversation which allows me to perpetuate it with open-ended questions and tangents. When I start the conversation, the roles often reverse. She responds to the questions and keeps conversations going.

The second thing I like about her is that she is open about the relationship. Perhaps this is a difference of maturity. Tramaine doesn't hide the relationship, isn't afraid of simple public signs of affections (like holding hands), and doesn't seemed ashamed in any way, shape or form. With Averya, I felt like more of a dirty little secret then a boyfriend. She would always sneak me into and out of her room (either by guise of night, or by looking around to make sure no one she knew was roaming the halls). Oddly enough, I tolerated it. I did so because I didn't know better. I tolerated it because it didn't truly hit me how screwed up this part of her character was. I tolerated it because it appeared that she liked me in private. Tramaine, on the other hand, condones, and many times initiates, hand-holding and other signs of PDA (arm around waist, arm-in-arm, etc.).

Another thing I like about Tramaine is her simplicity. Tramaine and I don't need to be going out to somewhere fancy, or even somewhere different every single time. She's perfectly fine with renting movies (or watching movies we already own) in our apartment, driving around with no particular direction, or just talking about life and ourselves. Averya, on the other hand, would get frustrated with simplicity and routine. If we happened to do the same thing twice in a row (dinner and a movie two times in two weeks) she would get upset. Yet, ironically, she always wanted me to have the responsibility of choosing where to go (a.k.a reading her mind of where she wanted to go), perhaps because she didn't want to deal with the pressure of disappointment.

One of the last things that I love about Tramaine is the fact that she is both a good friend and a girlfriend. I've never had this before. Averya and I were girlfriend and boyfriend, but I never felt as though we were good friends. I guess the reason I felt this was because bickering and arguing was routine. I never felt a friendship with Averya, because I could never tell her what was on my mind without censoring something important. With Tramaine, the only things that I censor are my feelings towards her if I think they might be premature (i.e. wanting to ask her to be my girlfriend immediately after the first date). Everything else is transmitted.

I think I've found a keeper.

5.11/2009

She does love me.

5.9/2009

I think [she] might love me.

Today, Chris and I saw Star Trek. The movie was actually pretty good, but the experience was ruined by a single Trekie. He kept talking throughout the entire film, laughing obnoxiously, talking to characters on screen, and reacting to everything that happened on screen (whether it was suspense, romance, action, etc.). I doubt I have to say this, but... Yes, he was black. I seriously wanted to stand up, turn around, and shout "For the love of God, shut the fuck up." However, I realize this would have been extremely rude and inappropriate seeing that there were children in the theater as well. Sigh.

This is why we can't have nice things.