5.3/2009

Yesterday, despite it being extremely early, I asked Tramaine if she would consider being my girlfriend. She agreed.

The day before, we'd gone on our official second date. I'd planned to take her bowling, then take her to a restaurant owned by one of my cousins, and, lastly, play some Rock Band. I picked her up around six-thirty and we drove down to the bowling alley, but ended up talking in the car for hours. When it began to approach eight o'clock we left the parking lot and headed down to the restaurant. We got there, ate, talked and then headed back to my apartment for Rock Band. I played guitar and she played drums. We got through four songs before she got tired and we sat down and talked. Since dates are usually done during the evening or at night, I thought about doing a "breakfast date" and asked her if she would like to get breakfast at IHOP in the morning. She agreed.

The next day I woke up with an idea: I would give her the choice of whether or not she wanted me to ask her the question then or wait a week to ask it. The question I'm referring to came to me on the first date. On the first date I had a question for her, but I told her that I wouldn't ask her until later... until I was about to graduate. The question would ask her if she would consider being my girlfriend. The reason I hesitated was the figure out if I did indeed feel that way or if it was the emotions were taking over. Anyway... at IHOP I asked her when she would like me to ask the question, and, of course, she responded that she'd rather hear the answer that day.

So, I dropped her back off at her apartment, Googled a flower shop on my phone, and GPS'd the location. I picked up four pink roses (four because I asked her what was her favorite number between one and six) and headed back to her apartment. Once there I knocked on the door and handed her the roses. "What are these for?" She asked surprised. "Well, before we started dating I remember you saying something about taking a break from dating. But, I would love if you would consider being my girlfriend." I said. Before I could even finish, she had already responded... and her answer was "yes."

The rest of the day was spent talking, going to Publix for food and Blockbuster for a movie (The Wrestler). We headed back to her apartment, cooked a pizza, sat down on the couch together and watched both The Wrestler and Madagascar 2.

^_^

Tramaine called today and asked if she could come over to hang out. She had some ideas running through her head and needed time to wind down, decompress, and relax. The funny thing was - and the great thing about her is - the fact that she was on her way when she asked for permission. Haha. Anyway, we played a few songs of Rock Band and then slipped into conversation and listening to music.

At one point, as her head lay on my chest, she looked up abruptly, smiled and said "I don't know why I like you so much." "When you find out, let me know." I laughed. Smiling and returning her head to my chest, she grabbed my hand. We sat around listening to music and talking until she decided to leave around midnight.

Today was a great day.

4.29/2009

Last night, as usual, I picked up Tramaine from her apartment and we went salsa dancing. It was a lot of fun, because I realize that I definitely understand the basics now and that keeping the rhythm is much easier and subconscious than before. The first time I went I nearly had to look down to make sure that my feet were moving correctly and with the beat of the song. Anyway, salsa dancing was fun, but the best part of the night occurred after salsa. She and I talked as I drove her back to her apartment, and I walked her to her door and she asked me if I wanted to come in.

I spent the next three hours or so talking to her on her couch about all kinds of things ranging from drawing, to being a nerdy kid, to finding internal peace. Being a traditional woman, during our conversation, she told me that I'd have to leave by midnight... and upon looking at the time, and seeing 12:04am, I patted her on the back and told her I'd have to go. Being surprised by even that little level of affection from me, she responded "Wow, I got a pat on the back!" It was at that point that I opened my arms, signaling for a hug, and hugged her.

Stepping outside her door, I asked her one last question about what she would like to do on our date on Friday. She responded that she would like to play Rock Band and get better at the drums. I thought about doing something, smirked, and told her that I thought doing something in response to her Rock Band statement, but I might refrain. "Do it." She said. I got down on one knee and asked her, "Will you marry me?" Laughing she opened her arms for another hug. I bid her goodnight and headed out.

4.25/2009

Had my first date with Tramaine yesterday and it went surprisingly well.

I finished my thesis presentation to general people at Morehouse and then high-tailed it back home to change clothes. After replacing my clothes at blazing speed, I jumped in the car and headed to pick her up. I picked her up and realized that we most likely wouldn't be able to see the movie at the theater that I'd planned (The Fork and Screen). Anyway, we hopped in the car and headed down to my apartment, which needed cleaning, to find something to do. I wanted to introduce her to Rock Band, but, at the same time, I didn't want to come off as the complete nerd that I am. Strangely enough, she suggested we play it. "You play video games?!" I asked. "I went over to my friend's house once and she had it." She replied. We ended up playing a song before walking across the street to the movie theater.

The Soloist wasn't what expected. It was boring, random at times, and not entirely entertaining. We discussed our problems with the movie walking back to the apartment complex and the car, and then headed for Japanese food. Instead of heading in the restaurant right away we ended up talking about religion, the concept of the Christian scapegoat, the problems with the and how some people who claim to be "Christian" should read the Bible. We ate and talked at the Japanese place, then came back to my apartment and sat in the living room and talked. There I was able to ask her questions concerning dating, fate, meeting people, and being anti-social.

The entire night was amazing. One thing which I admire about her is her fluidity. She's very open to many different things... She doesn't have expectations of what the date should be, but lets it develop. When I realized that we might not be able to go to the movie, I asked her what she wanted to do. She responded that she was flexible. Hearing this dispelled a lot of the pressure of making things perfect.

One thing that is occurring within me is the suppression of my emotions by logic. Emotionally, I really like her. I really really like her. But, I feel as though emotions can be misleading at times and that logic is needed to keep them in check. So, right now I'm trying to reason through my emotions... if that makes any sense at all. I'm trying to prove to myself that my love of this woman is indeed legitimate or just lovey-dovey emotions floating in my brain. The entire night, I wanted to ask her what she thought of me, and if she liked me. I hinted at telling her, but then would say that I need to re-think it (to allow for my logic and censor to kick in) and perhaps I would ask her the questions when I was about to graduate and move on.

...what a great night.

She called again today to tell me again that she had fun on the date yesterday. This is the one thing I love about her already... she's honest and doesn't play games. After the initial gratitude, we ended up talking for the next four hours about all kinds of things. In the midst of this conversation, I ended up asking her out again for this next Friday. Since we were talking about bowling, mini-golf, and chess, I figure we could do one or two of those things.

I really want to take her somewhere different though. I remember Chris was telling me about how he and Ayana were going to some pottery class. I think she might enjoy something like that because she enjoys creating things. Plus, what she created could be taken home with her.

Good times. ^_^

4.21/2009

I finally summed up the courage to ask someone out. After salsa dancing, I asked Tramaine if she wanted to go see The Soloist this weekend. She agreed and gave me her number so that I could call and give her a time.

It's strange... I've always had a hard time asking people out. Every time I get highly self-conscious and I don't see the person being remotely interested in me or hanging out with me. I always feel as though I'm not worth anyone's time or never good enough for the person. However, this situation was different. I felt something telling me to ask her. I had to do it. In relation to other people, this seemed easier by comparison.

Now, I just have to plan Friday's events.

4.15/2009

Last night, after class, I went with Tramaine to her free Salsa dancing class. Four of us were left in the room: Tramaine, Vincent, Marcus and myself. She began by asking everyone, then, when no one responded, she moved person to person. Everyone had something to do but me. At first, I was a little reserved. "How long would it last? Where is it located? What if it resurrected previous memories of Averya (having taken the social dancing class with her)?" All of these thoughts hit me the moment she asked. But, nonetheless, I agreed. I agreed because I consider Tramaine a friend of mine, and because of the fact that she had mentioned and asked me before. Anyway, I packed up by books and walked with her to her car. During the drive we discussed ourselves: Where we had come from, the families who raised us, the master's program and our dreams.

The class was nothing like what I expected. It was free both in the monetary sense and the personal sense. Even though I felt pressured to dance... or attempt dancing, that pressure was self-imposed. No one seemed to be watching or criticizing other people's movements, rhythm, or lack thereof. I learned about four to five different moves, but could only do two of them easily without too much thought on coordination. (Also, being there, I never once was reminded of the social dance class I had with Averya. For some reason I thought that the music or the dancing would trigger some kind of memory. I was wrong.)

After the class ended around eight or nine, she asked me if I wanted to go to another Salsa dancing venue. I agreed this time without hesitation. Salsa, to me, appeared to be a challenge, and, like a newb at a game, I wanted to learn more and become better. We ended up taking a small hiatus at her apartment so she could put on some new clothes for the next place. While there we had some interesting conversations about what it meant to be spiritual, being saved, the existence of God, falling, being drunk, school and learning, and finding what you want out of life.

Some interesting moments did occur while we were there at her apartment. While we were talking in her apartment, she was changing clothes. I was talking to her from her living room and had a direct line of sight to her changing in her bathroom via reflection off the mirror. (So, the door was open and she was standing in the room, but I could see her and she could see me through the angle of the mirror.) At one point, she took off her shirt, revealing her bra, and then realized that I would be able to see her. She said something like "Oops" and quickly put on another shirt. (I looked away once I realized that she was wearing just a bra.)

Another moment of ambiguity happened a little later. She was coming in and out of the bathroom wearing different shirts, and asking me how each one looked or what color she should wear. I gave her approval and then she came out with perfume on. She puts her arm in my face to give me a whiff of the scent. That moment seemed a little out of place: Why would she want my input about her perfume when she cannot change it once it's applied?

...

One interesting part of the night was a moment when she told me when she initially found herself intrigued by me. I'm citing this not out of arrogance, but because the moment isn't what I, or many, would expect. We were sitting in class having a discussion about child brides in Africa and the professor asked us what the end solution would be. Tramaine talked about intervention and then I muttered "Do nothing." I didn't even understand that I'd said those words until I ended the sentence. Looks like my mental censor had left work early that day. "Who said that?" Asked the professor. "I did." I said. I then launched into a discussion on how this thing had been going on for years, and that many interventions had been tried and nothing stuck. Also, I mentioned that, perhaps this is something for African women to become conscious of and own themselves. I figured, with many great civil rights struggles there is usually a grassroots movement. Perhaps such a movement about child brides is just a matter of time, and outsiders or Westerners attempting intervention seemed impersonal to them.

Anyway, the point of that story was illustrate the fact that she found herself interested in me as a person during a moment of, for lack of a better word, being a dick. Even she compared the moment to her trying to make a lay-up and me swatting away the ball. She told me that her first inclination was to go across the table and choke me, but then, after the violent urges subsided, she began to wonder who I was. Haha. The ironic thing was that I regretted speaking up for days after it happened. Life is funny that way I guess.

...

We got to the second place, which happened to be a restaurant with an already-crowded dance floor. There I was able to practice my basic skills and learn to link those basic skills together. I was nervous at first about dancing in front of random strangers who were already excellent dancers, but I guess that nervousness died when I realized that they shouldn't care: I'm learning to dance, so who cares if I screw up? Anyway, as we danced, the basic steps began to ingrain in my mind. I got to a point where I could almost transition to any one of four different moves I knew. Anyway, I thought I should play a game with her. In salsa dancing, the man has to lead and the woman has to follow or predict what the guy is going to do. I would start out a move and say something like "Where am I going?" I would then change directions. At one point, she burst out laughing and rest her head on my shoulder for a moment.

I know I've had a great night when it's hard for me to go to sleep. That night I alternated between dreaming about the events of the night and laying in bed awake. I hardly got any sleep due to my excitement of meeting someone both new and familiar. The night of dancing permeated both my thoughts and my dreams, and I rolled back and forth alternating between dreaming and being unable to sleep due to replaying the night in my head.

The strange thing is that, in retrospect, the entire night felt like a dream. It felt a little surreal: The way conversation seemed to flow, dancing with her, being in her apartment,.... everything.

One of the best nights I've ever had. Bar none.

One thing about Tramaine that seems strange to me is the fact that it feels as though I've known her for a while. The entire night felt entirely too familiar. It was as if I knew her already, and as if we'd been friends for years. There was no awkward period. There was no shyness. I can't explain this... there's no way for me to explain something like this.

How is this possible?

Well, it looks like my salsa dancing may have turned off Alicia. She's been acting distant ever since my message went up on my blackberry. I can't say I didn't see this coming though. Then again, perhaps I'm misreading the cold shoulder. Either way, it seems as though I gained a good friend as I lost another... so, in essence, I guess I just broke even.

Meh.

4.9/2009

I'm pretty much done with my thesis. Turning it in today, but still a little paranoid. I'll be looking over this thing for changes overnight.

I cant believe I did it.

Looks like Smoothie King girl is becoming more aggressive. Today I walked in, ordered as usual and began with the small talk. "Long day?" I asked. "Yep," she responded. "When do you get off?" I asked. "Actually in a few minutes. Why, did you want to take me out to get something to drink?" I really don't like these situations, unless of course I know I like the person or if I'm leaning towards it, because it puts me in at emotional extremes: It puts me in a situation to potentially lead her on, or break her heart right there. I mean, sure, she's attractive, but is there anything substantial there?

God, I hate these situations.

Earlier this week on Tuesday, I had the best conversation I've ever had while in graduate school. Tramaine, Marcus, Ivorie and myself sat down, from eight o'clock at night to midnight, talking about everything from relationships, dating, friendships, family, getting older, and having children, to movies. Specifically, we talked about our issues with dating, our last relationship, what we look for in a relationship, siblings, being an only child, having opposite sex friends and a girlfriend or boyfriend, Slumdog Millionaire, and various other scenarios. It was perhaps one of the most enlightening conversations I've had, and it definitely made me understand the other people in the conversation from a different perspective.

I wish I could have more of these.

4.1/2009

Thesis defense is over. It went well. I was nervous at first, but after the initial few minutes, I didn't really care. It was like running cross country back in high school. The most stressful moments were always the beginning. I always worried about getting a good start. After that, the rest became a walk in the park.

My committee enjoyed my presentation and had very little criticism. Most of the criticism focused around cutting down time for my presentation since I went over the time limit by four minutes. The best part, by far, had to be the moment where my advisor told me "Jonathan, I didn't think you would get it done, but this was a very good presentation." "There were a lot of people in that boat with you." I responded. Oh ye of little faith. What she doesn't realize is that I was able to work on and finish that thesis in record time.

The last few things that stand in my way of graduation are polishing my thesis, the second presentation to everyone (which is a joke), and little pieces of red tape.

Good times.

3.30/2009

Remember Smoothie King girl? The model? She just gave me her number today.

I walked in, said hello and ordered as usual. "I haven't seen you in a while," she said. "I've been working on my thesis and graduating." I responded. As she was ringing me up, I asked her about modeling and if she'd made any progress. She told me that she'd made the coverpage of a magazine and that she also was in a calendar. As she was about to finish, she remembered something important. "I've also got a business card! Want to see it?" She asked. She skipped into the back of the store and came back with a rectangular business card. I looked it over for a few minutes said "Looks nice" and began to hand it back. "You can have it. You might need it." She said.

Wow... I didn't expect that one.

3.27/2009

Life seems to always work its way out somehow. Now I just need to focus on my thesis and graduation. ^_^

One step closer.

One thing I have always found strange is how people misinterpret apathy as hatred, or silence as arrogance. I am normally not a very outspoken person unless I know people or I feel entirely comfortable (which is a feeling that is a product of knowing people). Nearly my entire life, I have been plagued by this misconception. However, lately I have allowed people to believe what they want. I let them live with their assumptions. If they don't ask questions for clarification why should it be my responsibility to inform them?

Why don't people ask more questions?

3.26/2009

One thing that seriously kills me about Historically Black Colleges and Universities is the fact that they are some of the most inefficient, illogical places on earth. Case and point: Today, I walked into someone's office to reserve a room on a particular day. The person was sitting in a room having a casual conversation with someone. She turns to me and asks if I need anything. I tell her about reservation request and she tells me "Send an email." Taken aback, I ask her to repeat what she said. "Send me an email," she responds again. Send her an email? What? I'm standing right in front of her! She could have easily opened up Microsoft Outlook, or opened up a physical calendar and checked. This process wouldn't have taken more than a handful of minutes. Why should I have to jump through unnecessary hoops when we could settle this in a measly few minutes in person? Sigh...

I hate black people sometimes.