8.5/2008

Haven’t posted in a while. Time to update. I’m doing
relatively well, nothing much to complain about. I’m halfway done with getting
my Masters in Public Health and I’m currently doing my internship for the
program. The internship is both interesting and boring simultaneously. When I
have work to do, the internship is great. It’s a great feeling to have done
some independent work, submit it to your boss, and have them approve of it.
When I don’t have work, however, it gets very boring very quickly. In my office
I stare at my computer screen for what seems like hours, checking and
responding to emails, as well as waiting for phone calls that never come. Actually,
I’m writing this post now during a work drought. Haha.

Personally, my life feels like it’s approaching a zenith.
I’ve been working out for a while now and I’m happy with the results.
(I’ll have to thank Antwone and Torcise for their advice on working out,
bulking up and becoming more defined.) For once in my life, I feel like I can
say that I have a chest or a “body.” Now I’m trying to think of ways to gain
more muscle weight and bulk up in the arm/bicep area. There is a potential
problem, however. I need to think of ways to control this gain. I don’t want to
overdo protein shakes and creatine and have it backfire on me in the form of a
gut.

I’m also trying to make steps to branch out more. No, I
haven’t stopped playing video games or anything of that nature, but I’m trying
to become more social by doing small talk with “strangers.” By “strangers” I
don’t mean complete strangers, but people I see on a basis but don’t know
anything about them (i.e their name, where they are from, hobbies, etc.). An
example of this could be the people I see working at Subway every time I go, or
some of the people I’m working with at my internship, or the clerk at EB Games.
I figure I can gradually work my way up from people I am familiar with, to
people I’ve never met.  Why am I doing
this? I feel like I need to do this for two main reasons: First, and foremost,
I want to become a guy who can initiate talking with anyone, not just people I
know. Secondly, I feel as though this would be a useful skill to have as a
doctor (i.e. bedside manner).

I think I’ve met another girl. Her name is Adrian. Weird though, I met her earlier
through Jenn a few times, but I didn’t think much about her. I guess that’s
because I was dating Averya... or the fact that we never actually talked about
anything substantial.  Anyway, for Jenn’s
twenty-second birthday, the family plus Ayana and Adrian went out to Red
Lobster for dinner. In traditional Buck family style, we started talking about
things. First came media related issues (The
Dark Knight, black movies, Obama’s presidency and campaign, etc.), then
came Black in America, and then came
the relationship stuff. My mom, being the person she is, threw my name out into
the discussion, which prompted dozens of questions from Adrian (who is also
single) in the what-are-you-looking-for category. I felt this was odd at the
moment. I mean, true, my relationship status was the topic of discussion at the
moment, but why so many questions? Why so personal? My reasoning is this: If
you’re not interested, why do you care to know?

To describe her, she’s got a good sense of humor (slightly
twisted) which I like, she’s shorter than me maybe around 5’7” or 5’8”, she’s
got short hair, and she’s a caramel (the literal caramel, not yellow)
complexion.

I don’t know what did this to me. Perhaps it was the
relationship breakup a while back. Perhaps it was me starting to see life as
more and more of a game, and me as the character. This thought just came to me,
but try to think of it like the Pokémon pentagonal ability chart. (I haven’t
played the game in a long time, but for some reason that chart stuck out in my
mind.) Place academics, social life, personal health, entertainment and happiness
at the five points along the pentagon. Before, I’d be high on academics and
entertainment, I’d been moderately high on personal health and happiness, and
I’d been extremely low on social life. What I want to do is develop my social
life through social skills, increase my personal health via daily workout
routines, and somehow increase my own happiness.

I aim to better myself... to break and reform what I am. 

---

When the school year starts up, I think I’m going to try to
tutor a kid. There’s nothing quite like teaching someone how to do something. I
remember when Bean Bean was a kid and I taught her how to do simple math and
how to roller skate. Similarly, I got the same feeling from teaching Cliff how
to play Halo (and he got the same
feeling from teaching me how to play Forza).
It’s both a form of instant and delayed gratification. You get to see someone’s
potential of beginning to learn, and then their actualized potential when they
understand how good they have become at that skill. It’s probably along the
same lines of raising a kid: Seeing your investment finally come to fruition.

 Now that I think of it, perhaps that Black In America show had something to do with this. I believe that
black children, and males especially, need more role models. I think that black
boys need to be able to see a future that isn’t the hip-hop industry, the
entertainment industry, NBA or the NFL. I believe that children, of all people,
need to value education because it is hardest for them to see the future that
their dedication will provide for them. I feel like if I start to tutor kids,
even though some won’t buy into what I’m saying, some will and that will be my reward.

 The hardest part that I can foresee is the negative
connotation with education. Black In
America got it right, there is an inversely proportional trend between
education and popularity amongst black children. Being academically driven, or
doing well academically, is labeled “nerdy,” or worse, “white.” I can empathize
with this the most, because that was my life story. Even though I only attended
private schools as a kid, black kids taunted me throughout, calling me “Erkel”
(Steve Erkel from Family Matters) or
“acting white.” I understood those pressures all to well. So, how do I expect to help convince a kid that education outweighs being popular amongst one's peers? Not sure, I'll have to think hard on this one.

I'll look into this.

---

 

Another thing about Black In America that I wanted to discuss:
The black family structure. My response to this is… What family structure? We
have no solid structure. I feel as though both single parent households and
dual parent households that don’t value education have crippled the black
community. Alright, here goes. I believe that single parent (female) households
are crippling black males. Why? Black men have no role model to look to model
themselves after. I think that, because of this, they look to outside sources
(other men in the surrounding community, friends, hip-hop stars and icons,
etc.) Some people would ask the question: “Why
then can black girls circumvent these issues?” Black girls have a strong
black female presence in the form of their mother. They know what can be
accomplished because their mother is a prime example of this. I believe that
black men fall into a vicious cycle because they don’t have positive examples
to follow. Simply put: I don’t think black men can look to their mother for how
to be a man. I think that this problem is two-fold: First that black men aren’t
taking responsibility for being fathers, and secondly that some black women are
having children out of wedlock.

Parents who don’t value education are hurting the community
as well. It’s obvious why they’re crippling the black community. Black children
need to understand the value of education. I believe that if black parents made
education a standard and that if they created the expectation of academic
success, that more black children would value education. I say this, because,
growing up, I never felt the pull of education until I reached late high school
or college. I did well in school, not because I wanted to, but because my
parents expected me to do so and I
didn’t want to disappoint them. I did well in school because there was an
expectation that my parents would be upset if I brought home low grades. I think if we can create this expectation that all black children will go to college, and will do well in school, that things can be fixed. But, for some reason this answer seems to simple. If it really was this simple, then why haven't we fixed it yet?

This needs to be fixed. But how?

---

Black In America
prompted another discussion. Apparently some black Harvard professor was conducting
a study on a class of mostly black children. He wants to see how monetary
incentives affect black children’s desire to learn. Initially I didn’t have a
problem with this, because my parents used incentives on all of us. They used
to promise us graduation presents at the end of each year. The present could be
a video game, an action figure, a doll, a cd, or clothing. Back to my point…
The system my parents introduced, consciously or unconsciously, was a
complement to their expectation of good grades. As the incentive disappeared
with age, the expectation was still there. I wonder, and fear, what will happen
to children who don’t have this expectation from their parents when the
incentive is gone. Will they revert back to educational apathy? Not sure.

Time will tell.   

---

I am a firm believer that people can be replaced. I feel
that people want to believe that they are unique, or special, but, in all
reality, no one truly is. Think about it this way: How many times have you seen
someone who looks familiar to you, or looks like someone you know? Heck, I’ve
met dozens of people who look like me, and at least a handful of people who act
like me.  If people can look that similar
physically, through a plethora of combinations and re-combinations of genetic
code, then how can personality be any different? If you believe that
personality is a product of one’s environment, then how can you believe that
there is no one sharing similar environmental conditions? True, people are not
going to be completely identical, no, but they can be similar enough to fit.

If you search hard enough, you can find similar copies of anyone.

---

People are different to different people: I am different
around Chris than I am around Vincent. I am different around Vincent than I am
around Huie. I am different around Huie than I am around Cliff. I am different around Cliff than I am around Chivon. I am different around Chivon than Beth. I am different around
Beth than I am around T-Mo. I am different around T-Mo than I am around Jenn.
It’s not to say that I am not me around these people, but that different people
bring out or subdue different parts of my personality.

You can never know someone completely.

7.17/2008

Torcise just called. Apparently he got drafted!!! I'm happy for him. However, there's more to becoming pro than just getting drafted: There are ranks going from A-rank to Double-A rank to Triple-A-rank to pro. I'll be rooting for him though. 

His dream is slowly becoming reality.

7.15/2008

Had a friend come visit over the weekend. It was refreshing, and allowed me to explore Atlanta further.

Good times indeed.

---

Looks like Beth is going to drop by through Atlanta after her internship in Costa Rica ends in September. Should be fun to catch up.

More good times ahead.

---

I can feel that old Nintendo fanboy dying in me slowly. Seems like the only thing that keeps me content with Nintendo's console nowadays is Wii Homebrew and SNES emulation. I'm having more run replaying Earthbound, Super Mario RPG and Chrono Trigger than I ever did on any Wii game (except for Resident Evil 4). I think Nintendo may be reaching the end of their rope: They don't look kindly upon third-party support, their games are more like mini-games than full game experiences, and the whole motion-sensing thing is running dry.

I don't understand it though... Why is Nintendo intentionally ignoring the hardcore crowd? Why is Nintendo blatantly catering to the casuals? Why does it always seem that the Nintendo Wii is in a state of constant drought of good games? I mean, heck, No More Heroes, albeit not great, was good, but it seems like there are no more games of it's kind. Sure, Okami is a great game, but I already have it on the PS2, and there's really no reason to buy it again since it has no new features besides the motion control.

I feel sorry for all of the gamers that bought the Wii only. I really do. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. The Wii is not a stand-alone console. It is an accessory. This year's E3 has produced musical Wii games and Animal Crossing. All of these titles appear to be nothing substantial. Nothing that would engross players, like Final Fantasy, Gears of War or Zelda. Animal Crossing itself is a game that one can only really play for about thirty minutes to an hour a day. It's not something that anyone can completely obsess about for a prolonged period of time.

I guess I'm writing this because I feel that Nintendo has made grave mistakes. Firstly for catering to a noob-gamer, secondly for not releasing some of the better titles on the virtual console and thus further promoting people to soft mod their Wiis, and, lastly, not encouraging third-party support.

How much longer until the real games come out?

7.9/2008

T-Mo stopped to visit me on her way from Lousiana. Even though all we did was talk, it was probably the best time I've had in Atlanta. Everything felt so familiar, so natural. It felt as if we were back at Duke, sitting in the apartment. We walked, talked and caught up on everything.

Glad she's doing okay. She's a good kid.

7.1/2008

I recently gave up on playing Ninja Gaiden 2. I think playing Devil May Cry 4 spoiled me. All in all, Ninja Gaiden just doesn't seem as polished as the latest Devil May Cry. For example, Ninja Gaiden and Devil May Cry are both hard games, but there are differences in their difficulty. Devil May Cry's difficulty is both understandable and able to be done. It is understandable in the sense that the game educates the player on how to use its combat system, how to tackle tougher and tougher enemies, and how to deal with multiple tough enemies simultaneously. Devil May Cry seems to make the player understand the system and learn to get around it.

Ninja Gaiden 2, on the other hand, doesn't educate the player. It forces player into battles in which, many times, the player has little-to-no control over his or her fate. It seems to throw in a mass of enemies, not to test the players technical ability, or ability to prioritize and time attacks, but just for kicks. I mean this to say that the player cannot completely avoid taking damage. Here's a point of reference: In Ninja Gaiden on the original Xbox, there are videos of people running through the game on Master Ninja mode completely unscathed [without glitching]. This is proof of how good of a system Team Ninja had created for the first game. They created a system which endowed advanced players with the power to avoid all enemy attacks as long as they could pull it off technically. In Ninja Gaiden 2, players cannot do this since certain enemies spam incendiary shurikens which are both unblockable and unavoidable.

In the end, I sold Ninja Gaiden 2 and Grand Theft Auto 4 for Dragonball Z: Burst Limit. Maybe I might rent NG2 again to get the achievements, but probably won't buy it until it's dirt cheap.

Feels like Team Ninja rushed this game.

---

Currently modding my Wii so that I can play Chrono Trigger and Earthbound. It's awesome what exploits people have figured out with the system so far. This mod, named the Twlight Hack, is able to install a self-updating Homebrew Channel to the Wii's dashboard. This is great, because you originally needed to have a Zelda: Twilight Princess disk in order for the homebrew to work. They found a way to bypass that middle step. This works out especially well for me because I just rented the game from Hollywood Video. Anywho, the exploit is rather simple to do if you have all of the necessary components and can get around some of the technical jargon. In the end it took me less than fifteen minutes to do the hack and install the channel.

God, I love homebrew.

6.29/2008

It hurts the most when you know that you're powerless to help them.

Why is life so depressing?

6.25/2008

I think I've quit playing ranked Halo 3 for a number of reasons. Halo's system is just flawed, and in serious competitive games, the systems flaws are too obvious. A few times, I've stuck people with a sticky grenade only to have that grenade disappear from their body... Subsequently, I get mowed down by an opponent that should've been dead. In another situation, I have the sniper, shoot someone through their skull, witness the blood spurting from it, and they don't die or don't take any damage. Great. Another thing... I'm not completely certain if this is lag or not, but, many times when I kill people in game, I've already stopped shooting a second or two before they die. For example, someone will be escaping around a corner and I'll be shooting them until my brain tells me that they've gotten out of sight. Ironically, it isn't until after they're out of sight and I've stopped shooting that they die. This also happens to me. I'll be taking cover and die. Whatever you say, Bungie.

Halo 3 also suffers from a lack of consistency... namely in the weapons category. Shotguns sometimes can kill from a mile away, other times can only kill in close quarters. The battle rifle sometimes takes four shots to kill someone when you're aiming at an opponent's face, other times it takes six or seven. The assault rifle... I'm not even sure there is a science to this weapon. Sometimes it feels like a God-weapon, which is superior to the BR in close quarters, other times it's completely useless. The plasma pistol... a weapon that seems to track people for everyone but me. People have told me to charge it completely, which I have, and it still follows a straight-path. Yet, the people I'm playing against charge it, for what seems like a half a second, and it tracks. Sometimes people will die from frag grenades, other times they'll be sitting on them, like a bird on an egg, and not die.

Another problem is the collection of maps. Out of the variety of maps, only three maps are spectacular. Guardian, The Pit, and Construct are spectacular maps once tweaked a little (the maulers [read: portable, dual-wielding shotguns] are surgically removed from Guardian and certain places in Construct). They feel balanced and the games are dynamic. The rest are pretty much garbage or mediocre when played in team slayer or ranked settings. Snowbound is marred by energy barriers on doors. This creates a huge camping problem, especially with the existence of the mauler.

The second worst map in the history of Halo is Epitaph. Epitaph is a camper's dream. The map revolves around the shotgun and rockets, has shield doors a la Snowbound, and is a camper's paradise. There are so many jumps to camp on the map that it becomes ridiculous. The matches are less about skill than the trial and error of "Is the enemy hiding above this door with a shotgun/rockets or not?"

Some of the weapons are problematic as well. One such problem is the mauler. It's a portable, dual-wielding shotgun. It also has the quickest kill in the game. It's a one-shot and beatdown weapon. Additionally, the mauler's beatdown is the quickest in the game. Why create such a weapon? Bungie, you already have a shotgun, and it works the way a shotgun should... most of the time. Why introduce another shotgun? Especially if that shotgun is more powerful and quicker than the original?

What I have done is started playing Gears of War again. Gears does have it's problems but, other than cheating, it's problems are simple: Host shotgun generally wins. There's hardly any points of controversy. Plus, I need to get my "Seriously" achievement. I might as well, since I won't be playing Halo anymore.

I'm tired of Halo's bullshit.

---

I'm realizing more and more that I am a combination of my father and my grandfather.

I wonder why it took me so long to realize this.

---

I love John Mayer's music. Part of this is because it makes use of a lot of jazz concepts (walking baselines, certain tempos, etc.), but I guess the majority is because it seems to tell a story: In Room for Squares, Mayer tells a story about a blossoming relationship and life. In Heavier Things, he speaks about his relationship falling apart. Most recently, in Continuum, Mayer talks about rebounding, bettering himself, and growing older. I guess a part of me also likes the fact that he doesn't sing about money, sex, or violence and the fact that he's not too emo in his songs.

He produces some of the best stuff out there.

6.22/2008



God, I hate interpersonal politics. I hate it. Instead of confronting a professor about a mistake she made, it looks like I might have to bite my tongue and let her get away with it...even though I have physical proof of her misdeed. I thought about taking this to a judicial board and putting her business out there, but my mom and dad have warned me that she might have connections that might not take her public, academic flogging too lightly.

In an ideal world, she would be held responsible.

---

What is lying? What does it mean to lie? I believe there are different levels of lying, one harmless and one intentionally bad. Here's an example of the harmless lie: A woman asks her boyfriend, fiance or husband if she is overweight (read: fat). Deep down, the husband believes that she is. However, he replies, "I like you the way you are." This is a lie that is not meant to do harm. This is a normal reaction to someone being placed in an awkward position. Here's another example: Suppose a guy is on a date with a woman and that date consists of playing a game. The guy in this situation does not play to his fullest ability and lets the woman win occasionally. (Suppose that if he did, she would never win.) I do not believe that this is a lie either. This is his way of keeping the game interesting for her. No one enjoys being beaten all the time when they're just beginning to learn a new game. Playing down his skill allows for her to be able to enjoy the game.

What is lying? Lying is concealing something harmful. Here's an example: A woman cheats on her husband and lies about it. Her intention for lying is not to make him happy, but possibly to avoid guilt, to be able to live a comfortable married life, or some other selfish interest. Lying is telling someone that you love them when you don't. Lying is saying "I'll call you" and never intending to do so. Lying is something malicious... something intentionally wrong.

Perhaps it's just my opinion...

6.15/2008

It's been a while since I posted on Xanga, not because I'm busy, per se, but because I've been trying to get a level 50 in Halo 3. I'm close, currently a level 48 in team doubles and a level 47 in team slayer, but it feels as though I'll never get to my 50. I feel this way partially because my skill isn't on the right level but mostly because Halo's system is so messed up. Here are some examples. I started a new account recently and played with a friend who was in his high-forties. We lost the first game we played and my level went up. Why? Bungie's system sucks.

Another example: I played on my level 48 with a kid named Berserker. Much like his name, this kid is sick. We played multiple games but the first games are of the most importance. The first game was against a level 50 and a level 49. We won. I assumed this win would pad my level 48 so that I wouldn't be able to lose it if we lost a game. The second game was against two level 50s. We lost (mainly because I lack the skill to actually help Berserker easily take them both without trading). I lost my level, which made me furious for two reasons: First, and foremost, I had just won a game which should have given me experience to spare on a loss. Secondly, how do I lose that much experience playing people significantly higher than me?!

One last example. I was playing with Trukillatactics, Yoli and Esona yesterday on team swat. He was a high-twenty and the rest of us were low levels. Of course by partnering up with someone higher, our opponents are going to be around the level of the highest person.  Tell me why all of the low levels only single leveled while Tru double-leveled. It should be the low levels that reap the most experience from the wins, not the person who's on the level of the opponents. Here's a comparison: If a level 49 beats a level 1 in a game, the level 49 should get negligible experience. However, if the level 1 happens to beat the level 49, the level 1 should gain an extraordinary amount of experience.

Anyway, I understand now why Bungie did not put in a leveling experience bar. If they did, people would understand that their system of ranking is basically having monkeys in a room throwing dice. I don't understand why I can continue to play such an imperfect game. I guess this is true addiction.

Bungie sucks.

---

One thing I'm starting to hate is how people treat technology. It doesn't make sense to me. For example at the medical school, some of my teachers tell me to email them about questions and meetings, even when they usually sit in their office on a daily basis doing seemingly nothing. It's ridiculous. Why shouldn't I be able to call and set up meetings? Why shouldn't I be able to walk in and set up meetings for future dates? It makes no sense. Secondly, about this whole email thing, why is email the standard of communication for businesses and academia? It's slower, less convenient, and probably less spammed than an instant message, so why do we use it?

People are stupid.

---

I saw The Happening yesterday, and, God, was it awful. It has to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen... Possibly because many of the lines are so horribly executed, or the story is awful, or the fact that the plot has no real twist and the source of the problem is revealed about twenty minutes into the film. The film is just garbage... but I guess I should've expected that from the same guy that made Unbreakable and Signs.

What won't boredom make you do?

---

How do you get better at sketching or drawing. I've been wondering this lately. I understand how I can get better at something competitive, because I can compete against others to both test my skill and improve. I even understand this in terms of becoming a better writer and cooking. In writing, I'd have to read more, and experience various methods of writing and techniques. In terms of cooking, I'd have to experiment to find the right combination and quantites of flavors or ingredients or the right amount of time to cook. Drawing seems harder though. Unlike writing, I don't believe that I can observe other people's drawings and slowly gain experience by osmosis. Nor can I just sit down and draw, because, even if I get a good idea of what I want, actualizing this idea on paper won't necessarily happen.

How to improve a self-made skill?

5.23/2008

Took the MCAT again today. Feels like I did a lot better. But, maybe that feeling is all in my head. (Then again, I must have done better. The last time I took it, it was just to see my baseline. I had no real sciences under my belt.)

I guess I'll have to wait for the scores to come back.